Turning Chores into Connection: The Power of Affirmation in Family Life

But I think the key for me to remember, as a mother of several very young children, is that children specifically love to work with you

Last spring I was helping to coordinate servers and run the kitchen for a Farm to Table event for my kids’ school. The servers were middle and high school students from the school, and we were communicating to them how they should be serving our honored guests– with candour, with awareness of their surroundings, with politeness, and of course with a smile. One of the students asked a few clarifying questions, and I affirmed his intelligence to ask such helpful questions that benefited everyone around him.

Do You Ever Get Tired of Affirming Kids?
Later, after the student servers had gone to do their thing, one of the other parent volunteers (I think it was that student’s mom) asked me if I ever got tired of affirming kids. I spend a good amount of time with her at the school, and so I guess she’d observed it before. I told her no– I kind of make it a game to look for something to affirm in any given kid. If they don’t exactly thrive in one area, I make it a personal challenge to find a place where they are doing well and to tell them. It’s such a delight to my heart to see their faces light up, or become a little bashful when they receive the compliment.

 I try to make it specific when I can, to show them that I really see them, and it’s not just a generic compliment that could be given to anyone in the room. I use their name, and when possible, I draw the attention of those around them to see how good they are. I don’t know if that’s what’s best– or if it’s just because I myself am an extrovert to the nth degree and have never minded being in the spotlight. But I think it’s important for kids to receive affirmation– to catch them doing good!-- as they do chores. 

How a Simple Dinner Rule Transformed My Family
A few years ago, during the early days of Covid when we all had to stay home and thought it’d just be for two weeks and then it kept dragging on and on and on– our kids started to kinda get at each others’ throats. So my wise husband incorporated a new dinnertime rule: Affirmations. Each kid may affirm the baby or a parent, but each kid must affirm one of their siblings. They had to speak to their sibling, not about them, and to be as specific as possible with their affirmation. To point out something good about that person– either something they’d seen that day, that they’d experienced personally, or just something they know to be good and true about their brother or sister.

Dan and I would also participate in giving out affirmations. And it was amazing to me to see how frequently in the following days (and years!) I would tuck away an affirmation to save for the dinner table. How many things might never have been affirmed in my little ones because I’d simply forget to tell them, or more likely be distracted, in the moment. But having a daily affirmation time set aside has been transformative to our family. 

Brené Brown, in Daring Greatly (affiliate link here), dives into this idea through the lens of vulnerability and connection, reminding us how powerful it is to be seen and valued. It’s a lesson I keep coming back to, not just for my kids, but for myself too; when we notice and value the good in people, we create a space where they can thrive. I see this so clearly during those moments of affirmation—whether it’s at the dinner table, during a big event, or even in the middle of folding laundry.

Why Kids Love Working With You
I remember hearing once about the Montessori method—the teaching that “children love work.” But I think the key for me to remember, as a mother of several very young children, is that children specifically love to work with you. They love to do things together. And that’s the perfect time to see things to affirm in them. When I’m folding laundry and invite one of my kids to help, or when we tackle the garden as a team, something shifts. It’s no longer just a chore; it’s time spent together, and time to hunt for the treasure of affirmation.

Making Chores Fun with Gamify Chores
The truth is that what we affirm happens again and again. What we point out thrives. That’s one of the reasons I appreciate systems like Gamify Chores—they tap into that same principle of teamwork and affirmation. By creating a shared purpose, they make chores feel like an adventure where everyone’s role matters. It turns something kids often resist into something they look forward to. If you’re looking for a way to get started, check out Gamify Chores.

Chores: A Path to Growth
Of course, it’s not always smooth sailing. My kids still like to point out how unfair life is: “Why do I have to do this when my friends don’t have any chores?” they’ll grumble. I get it—it’s hard not to compare. But when I take the time with them and affirm them, it usually softens the resistance. They might not always show it, but little by little, I can see them starting to take it to heart.

And I remind myself: it’s about the long game. Chores aren’t just about keeping a clean house (though I won’t lie, that’s a nice bonus). They’re about preparing my kids for adulthood. They’re learning how to manage time, balance responsibilities, and contribute to a community. That’s what I want for them—not just clean rooms but capable, resilient lives. And I love that systems like Gamify Chores make it fun for them and an opportunity for affirmation.

So point out little times of diligence, a well-made bed, a gracious word, when someone notices that something needs to happen and does it without being asked. I like to tell my kiddos, “Thank you for serving. It makes me feel so loved and supported.” I think that makes a big impact on them and gives more purpose to their work. Can they still be a bit self-centered and reluctant when it comes to work? Maybe. But are they growing? Absolutely.